


A Small Implication

by vinyl_dreams



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, kira flips her lid, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:56:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinyl_dreams/pseuds/vinyl_dreams
Summary: Something's wrong with TJ, so he calls Cyrus.Set post-3x15.





	A Small Implication

TJ flopped down on his bed, letting the tears he had been fighting fall onto the comforter. Everything spun around him. He couldn't believe what was happening. Kira had finally done it. Her words replayed in his head, as if it were a song he couldn't seem to forget. 

"If you can't get me on the boy's team, your secret's out by Monday," she had said, taking a dark brown curl and twirling it around her finger. 

"I can't!" He had told her. TJ had pleaded with his coach to let her on the team, even before she threatened him. Coach Wayne had stubbornly refused, telling him he couldn't add anyone in the middle of the season no matter what the circumstances.

 _If only he knew,_  TJ thought now.  _If only Kira understood I couldn't do anything for her._

God. Everyone would know Monday. Today was his last day of being normal at school. What would Reed and Lester think? They would most certainly not want to be friends with him again. Would Amber hear? Probaly not. But she could. What would  _Cyrus_ think? Oh, God. He hadn't even thought about Cyrus.

Everything was still spinning, and TJ's palms were sweating. Was this normal? He had never been worked up like this before. Maybe he was having a panic attack. He knew Jonah had those. 

Everyone had told Jonah to take deep breaths at the bar mitzvah. 

TJ tried, but it just made things worse. Maybe it wasn't a panic attack. Now his hands were starting to feel numb. It felt hard to breath. His head pounded. He grabbed the cell phone sitting on the desk and looked up  _dizzy shortness of breath_   _sweating_ , hoping Google could understand the jumble of words.

 _Panic Attack_ was the first result. TJ scrolled down-he had ruled that one out.  _Heart Attack,_ he read, squinting to make out the words through his blurred vision.  _Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Blood Clotting._

TJ felt his heart continue to speed up. With the click of a button, he called his mom. Come on. She had to pick up. She wasn't at work; just a counseling session with Amber and his father. Nothing. He tried his dad. Amber. Then, without thinking, he scrolled up to the C section in his contacts.

Cyrus picked up on the first ring. "Hey, Teej! You okay?" There were voices in the background. 

"Um, not really." TJ sucked in a breath. "I can't breathe or feel my hands and I'm dizzy and I think I'm having a heart attack, or a blood clot, or something with my lungs."

Cyrus was silent for a while. "Do your parents know? Are you alone?"He finally asked. TJ could tell he was trying to stay as calm as possible, but TJ could hear the worry in his voice he was trying to conceal.  That made TJ scared. "I can come over," said Cyrus.

TJ couldn't stand the thought of Cyrus having to leave his friends to come see him. TJ had been such a jerk to Cyrus lately, blowing him off for Kira. Plus, this whole thing was embarrassing. He couldn't let Cyrus see him like this. And he couldn't dare let Cyrus find out why he was crying in the first place.

"No! That's okay, I mean. My parents are here," he lied.

"Oh. And you haven't called the doc-" Cyrus started.

"Thanks. Bye. I gotta go," TJ forced out, interrupting him. He hung up and buried his face in his hands. Why did he have to ruin everything good that happened to him?

His feet and legs were starting to get numb, now, too. TJ couldn't even move his hands. He pressed his hands against the bed, forcing his fingers to bend. Maybe he should think about calling a doctor like Cyrus had said.

A few minutes later, he heard a knock on the door, and TJ knew exactly who it was. What TJ expected to be a sinking feeling turned into a feeling of relief. Cyrus was here.

Sure enough, when he used both of his stiff hands to open the door, he found Cyrus, dressed in a grey sweater and jeans, standing in front of him. "Hey..." he trailed off. "You don't look so good." He looked concerned.

"I don't  _feel_ so good," TJ spat, feeling like a jerk as soon as he said it. He hiccuped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." 

Cyrus stepped in the apartment, listening to TJ gulp in air. "Are you sure you're not having a panic attack?" He asked. 

"Yeah. I tried taking deep breaths, but it got worse," TJ said, leaning against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut. He wouldn't let himself cry in front of Cyrus. 

"But you said your hands are numb?" Cyrus asked. 

TJ nodded. He couldn't even feel his freaking face anymore.

"Then you're probably just having a panic attack. Hyperventilating."

TJ stared at Cyrus in confusion.

"Do you have paper bags?" He asked. TJ pointed to a cabinet behind them, not questioning that. He didn't want to know.

He watched Cyrus get out a bag. "Sit down and hold it up to your face like this." Cyrus showed him. "Then just breathe into it. Your instinct is going to be to pull it away for air, but try not to. The point of this is to get your oxygen levels back down, and carbon dioxide up. Then you'll feel a lot better."

TJ sat down on the beat-up old couch, taking the paper bag and copying Cyrus. "I look like a fool," he muttered through the paper. Cyrus laughed, which would've usually made his heart swell a little, if he wasn't in this situation. "It's just me," Cyrus said, brown eyes soft and reassuring. 

TJ looked down, feeling a little better. Suddenly, he had a need for fresh air. As much as he was trying not to, he yanked the bag away and gulped down a breath. Frustrated, he leaned back and looked up. His numbness had seemed to spread, and the muscles in his hands clenched into tighter fists. "I can't move my fingers," he said, more to himself than to Cyrus.

Cyrus pried his fingers open for him and placed them around the bag. As TJ tried again, he felt Cyrus taking his right hand and lifting each finger, playing with his hand a little.

"Any better?" TJ barely heard Cyrus ask.

He tried to focus on his hyper-something-or-another. "Um, yeah," TJ said. He hadn't even realized it, but he was starting to regain feeling in his body. A wave of relief washed over him. "Yeah." He breathed into the bag more, and then wiggled his fingers. He could move them! He let the bag drop to the floor.

He let his hand stay in Cyrus's, though.

They sat there for a while. TJ moved his hands and feet around occasionally, thankful for his ability to. He was breathing steadily now.

TJ let his mind wander off to Kira's threat. He definitely wouldn't be able to hold hands with Cyrus after Monday. He stared at their hands; the way Cyrus's palm was laying on his, fingers curled around his just a little bit. This would probably be the closest he would get to any kind of relationship with Cyrus.

"Can I stay?" Cyrus finally asked.

TJ looked at him, still in a bit of shock.  "Uhhh..." he trailed off, a little bit brain dead from his panic attack-episode, his worries about Monday, and the fact that he was holding hands with Cyrus. Or something like it. 

"I mean, just for a little while. Or I could go, I mean," Cyrus stuttered. "I just thought you might like me to stay here."

"No! Please stay!" TJ said. "I need it," he said quietly. 

Cyrus smiled at him, and it did, in fact, make his heart swell a little. 

TJ noticed the darkness flooding in through the window. It got dark so early this time of year; it wasn't even six yet. "Do you want to stay the night? It's getting kinda dark," he said, hoping he didn't sound stupid. 

That was dumb. He knew nothing seemed stupid to Cyrus; Cyrus took every word you said and thought about it, not judged and laughed about it. TJ decided he had been spending so much time with Kira, where he had to think about what he said before he would say it, and how it would sound. It had been that way with his old friends, too. But he felt like he could tell Cyrus anything. Well, maybe not everything. But almost everything.

Cyrus smiled and tilted his head back, and for a second, it looked to TJ like they were a couple, all smiley and laughy and holding hands. He couldn't help but smile himself, pushing his thoughts about Monday out of his head. He could think about that later. Tonight, TJ would try to just enjoy tonight.

"Yeah," he said. "I'd like that, if you're sure. Let me just call my mom."

TJ pointed to the home phone in the kitchen. Cyrus thanked him and ran over. Cyrus never kept his cell phone on him, unlike most of the other kids his age who were all obsessed with their phones, and it was one of the seemingly gazillion things TJ liked about him. Cyrus had an old soul, he thought.

He watched as Cyrus gave him a thumbs up and started dancing around, careful not to yank the corded phone onto the ground. He didn't think Cyrus could do anything and not be adorable. Heck, he could be cleaning up cat throw-up in the pouring rain dressed in a dirty potato sack and some Crocs and Cyrus would still look cute.

Cyrus sat back down on the couch. "Cyrus Goodman just lied to his parents," he boasted.

TJ glanced at him expectantly. He could've sworn he saw Cyrus's eyes flicker to TJ's hand he had been holding before he got up.  _Wishful thinking_ , he told himself.

"Well, my parents asked me if one of your parents was there. I said no, but I knew they would be soon. And I'm only about fifty percent sure of that," he said. "I'm sure they would get it if they knew the circumstances, though," he added. "Speaking of which, how are you doing?"

TJ smiled. "They will be. They're just at a therapy session with Amber. She's been having some problems with them lately, so they all went together. I opted out." TJ liked to stay out of his parents' problems, but Amber always seemed bothered by their disagreements. Or at least more so than TJ. "And good. I'm doing good," he answered. He was a little shaken up, but everything felt completely normal.

"Good. Just give me updates, 'kay?"

"Kay."

 

TJ and Cyrus spent the rest of the night playing dumb video games, eating junk food, and playing some card games. They were making Cyrus a makeshift bed on the floor of TJ's room when they heard TJ's parents and Amber come in the door.

Mrs. Kippen came up and said hi, and told him that they got his calls on the way home-the therapist had made them silence their phones. She apologized over and over again and asked if he needed anything.

"Nope," TJ said. Just trying to get ahold of you. Check in."

He didn't think she even noticed Cyrus in her haze.

Cyrus sat down on the mess of blankets and sheets they had constructed. "Why didn't you tell her you had a panic attack?" He asked.

"'Cause then I'd have to tell her what it was about," he said quietly. Honestly. He felt his heart skip a beat the second the words left his mouth.

Cyrus was quiet, as TJ had expected, but only for a second. "I've never had a panic attack," he said. 

"How'd you know what it was, then?" TJ asked.

"I didn't, really. I'd just seen Jonah's once or twice. And I've heard my parents talk about them. That's like, the hot topic at the dinner table at my house," he laughed. "I just kind of guessed. You looked awful, though. All pale and wobbly and-I was so ready to call an ambulance or something."

TJ raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Cyrus shrugged, brushing it off. He leaned over to the lamp beside him. "Can I turn this off?"

"Mhm."

Everything went dark, except for the glowing of the numbers on the little clock radio TJ kept in his room.

"Were you with your friends when I called?" he asked, pulling on the strings of his hoodie. 

"Just Andi and Buffy. Our usual Friday game-night."

"Oh," said TJ. He felt a little bad, and Cyrus must've sensed that.

"I didn't mind. I wanted to come. You're important, Teej," said Cyrus. "You underestimate how much people care about you. My friends do want to get to know you better. They just haven't had many chances. They think it's cool what you did. Back with the gun. And your mom-your mom, she was so worried earlier. Maybe she just has trouble communicating with you and Amber and can't really show it. Kira! Kira seems like she's crazy about you. And I care about you so, so much. Like, game night? Who cares about that?"

TJ thought about that statement, pushing away the fluttering feeling he had from that last part. Maybe Cyrus was right. People did care. Maybe he just hadn't been paying much attention lately. Pushing Cyrus away.

"Come up," TJ said. He didn't want Cyrus to be uncomfortable when he told him, but TJ felt like he had to tell him this face to face, even if it was in the dark.

He scooted himself over and felt the mattress creak as Cyrus sat, eventually laying down and propping himself up on one elbow. "Don't tell me what it was about if you don't want to," he said. "Please."

TJ still lay staring up at the ceiling. "You're wrong about Kira," he said. "Well, you're right about everything else. Always are somehow," he smiled softly. "She was holding something over me. It kind of forced me to hang out with her more. She even made me go on the swings.  _Our_ swings."

"Oh, the injustices."

"She had me do all these little things. It was kind of exhausting, being with her so much, to be honest. I can't count the times I thought about how I'd rather be doing whatever we were doing with you."

"Aw," said Cyrus. TJ didn't really know what he meant by that. Was he teasing him? Being sincere? Being ironic?

"Then she told me she would tell everyone if I didn't get her on the boys' team. And I can't! It's the middle of the season! So now, Monday, she's going to make sure everyone knows-" TJ paused, knowing what he had to say next. He placed his sweatshirt over his mouth as if it were less scary to say it in a muffled voice. "-I'm gay."

He felt a warm hand take his, and his heart would've sped up if it wasn't already going so fast. He was pretty sure that was just for support.

But what if it wasn't?

Hey, a boy can dream. Either way, Cyrus hadn't moved away. Hadn't yelled, or walked out, or left him. And TJ couldn't see his expression, or anything, for that matter, in the dark, but he somehow knew he was good. He was fine. Cyrus was fine with it. He placed his free hand on his heart, listening to it slow down a little. " _I can't believe I just fucking told you,"_ he said.

And then, he felt Cyrus close to him. Very close to him. Kissing him. 

TJ couldn't describe it. It wasn't the actual kissing that made him feel like he was about to fall over and off the bed, but the closeness. The way Cyrus's hand was placed lightly on his shoulder. How Cyrus was gently pressing into him. How he could feel his smile through the kiss. 

It was over as quickly as it had happened. They lay side by side, hearts racing.

"Oh," said TJ.

"Sorry. Maybe that wasn't a great idea," said Cyrus in a small voice.

"Are you kidding me? That was a great idea." TJ felt like he couldn't even talk with all the supposed butterflies in his stomach. His head felt like it might explode.

It was an understatement to say he couldn't believe what just happened. He'd thought about kissing Cyrus, dreamed about kissing Cyrus, but he never thought it might actually happen.

They obviously weren't kissing anymore, but they were still closer to each other than they had been, both propped up on their sides. When TJ slumped down, so did Cyrus. Their arms touched. "I'll come out. Monday. We'll do it together," said Cyrus plainly.

TJ sighed. So he was gay. "You'd better not." 

"Seriously, Teej. I'm ready. I've been wanting to for a while, now. Middle school's almost over. I've wanted to tell people before then. And everything's always less scary when you do it with someone."

"You're not just doing it for me, right? You're doing it for you, too."

Cyrus placed a hand on TJ's arm. "Of course."

"Who knows?" TJ asked him.

"Andi. Buffy. Jonah."

"Kira's the only one who knows about me." 

"That's just plain awful,"Cyrus said,"that she would do something like that."

"Monday," TJ mumbled. He felt Cyrus squeeze his arm.

"Monday," he echoed, which TJ hadn't been expecting.

"Are you sure, Cy? Really, really sure?"

"Really, really, really sure. You shouldn't have to do this alone, anyways."

"Damnit, Kira." TJ smushed closer into Cyrus-which he wasn't sure was possible to do at first.

"Damnit, Kira." Cyrus kissed TJ on the cheek. "I was jealous of you guys, y'know?"

"Jealous?" TJ asked, his face heating up. 

"Yeah! You guys did the costume together, and then hung out for  _every second of the day_ , and then I saw you guys at the swing set. I guess I liked you long before that, but I just didn't figure it out 'till I got jealous."

"I was gone for you," TJ admitted. He almost felt like he was high from this conversation. Fearless. He could say anything. "For as long as I can remember, I have been. I guess Kira figured it out,  from literally watching me talk to you."

"For me?" He barely heard.

"'Course for you." TJ pretended to yawn and stretch, wrapping an arm around Cyrus in the process.

"Smoothie," Cyrus giggled. 

They both blissfully stared up at the ceiling some more, smiling to themselves in the sparse light of the moonlight and the clock radio.

"Are you  _sure_ you want to come out next week?" TJ asked once more.

"I've told you, Teej. It's a good opportunity for me, and I want to help you with it."

"But... you're so selfless, Cy. That's screwed you over before, and once this is out, it's out forever. I just think... this is so big for me, I can't believe you would just, you know, come out."

"Teej, look at me." TJ looked into Cyrus's eyes, or what he could see of them in the dark. "I want to. It'll be like we're supporting each other."

TJ felt a lot better. He sunk into his pillow. "R'we gonna make a statement?" He asked. He grabbed Cyrus's hand and hoisted it up with his, still feeling some butterflies in his stomach. "Hold hands as we walk in the school?"

"I didn't mean we had to actually..." Cyrus trailed off. "Did you just ask me-"

TJ shook their hands around in the air.

"To be-"

Another excited hand wiggle from TJ.

"Your boyfriend?"

"Oh, I might've implied it," said TJ. And then he leaned over and kissed Cyrus on the mouth. 

 

 


End file.
